Maaaaaan, this game. I want to pinch this game's cheeks, kind of like the way your great aunt would pinch your cheeks when you were five years old. Face cheeks. Don't know what you were thinking. And okay, this game? It's a positive, it's like... eeeeeeh... yeah, okay. Get a friend and play it coop, because coop games are better. As a game itself, it's kinda fine, sort of like the way a fastfood burger is kinda fine. Those review snippets on the store page? Ignore 'em. Terrifying setting? Deeply replayable levels? A comparison to DOOM ETERNAL? Get the fuck outta here, seriously. As a game, it's basically you (and optionally some friends) get into a small cluster of rooms chosen at random, where you need to kill some freaky monsters, slap some terminals or open some boxes, pretty much. You have guns to kill the monsters with. And that's fine, reduce anything to its basic steps and it sounds silly I know. What makes a salad is its dressing. The missus and I were at a restaurant where some old boomer lady moaned for 20 minutes about how her salad had too much. And this salad has way too much dressing. Most every room is murky dark, and the walls are made of dark metal. There's crap strewn about and weird lumpy things on a number of walls. So you're not seeing all that well, most of the time. Okay, sure, murky stuff is atmospheric but you need to break it up on occasion (which... okay, this game does sometimes, to be fair.) One of the key plot points of this game is there's some kind of bioplague, so expect body horror. Like dudes with their faces all scrungled-up, mouths on weird geometry, or fleshling lumps integrated with robots. That's two of the four enemies, by the way. I can't be more precise, because it's so damn dark all the time. So I guess it's horrific, but I never got that clear of a look either. And if body horror is a key point here, you actually have to see those bodies clearly to have some horror. What really makes horror for me, though, isn't at all the things you see (or in this case, can't even see), but the audio. There's not a lot of audio. When you can't see, your other senses strain to make up the difference. That's a great time for excellent audio. And this is a big letdown, because you could do things like have the weird cadence of the thumping footfalls of those fleshling lumps, or weird cries of the scrungled-face guys or whatever or have your Most Terrifying Monster make its unique Most Terrifying Monster Noises. But no, we don't really have that. And another thing that makes horror work is to give the player some safety, only to yank that safety away at inopportune moments. Make them feel safe, let them breathe a little. Give them a few resources, like a few bullets or a few percent HP they can scrounge up. And THEN you jump on 'em. But here, it's a steady parade of attempted jump scares. Panels blast off the walls with an explosion every minute, like RIGHT where you are. Hatches fall off the ceiling with a quick musical sting. Constantly. Maybe 1% of the time a monster actually pops out, and then only when there's already just been fighting, so most of the time it's just pointless. It's a puppy trying to creep up and "scare" you with barking at your heel. After three times, it's not startling. Go back to bed, puppy. Other than the corridors, the whole game has a bioengineered theme to it: your personal kit has animal genes in it or something, so your backpack has implied bug legs or something, or some pants you can unlock have red, fleshy-veiny shading or whatnot. And the gun has legs and an alien face and wiggles its legs when you "feed" it bullets, but honestly at this point it's just kind of cute. There are horror elements to the game, yes, with all the weirdo monsters and sometimes-bodies on the floor (and yeah, sometimes they get up). So technically it's horror. The comparison to Doom is foolish, because it's not a relentless action game that requires you get up close to giant scary things. The aesthetic is kind of tiresome to me, but I'll admit that's a personal decision. I like bright lights and seeing where I'm going. And above all else, I value some good audio. As a game itself, it's kind of serviceable but not remarkable. Sending your gun out to jump on and mangle enemies on its own is a novelty and there's a bit of decision loop to be made there (you can't shoot what you don't hold, after all). The game suffers from Videogame Shotgun-itis, where past ten meters you can't hit anything at all, and there's a balance discussion I'm glad to have elsewhere. I don't mind what I paid for it and the missus and I will have a fine time playing it. But I think we're going to be laughing more than we're spooked. I think if you're laughing, though, you're not being horrified, and it is not the purpose of a horror game to horrify? No? I'm not going to be streaming this, because age-related reasons and I want the streams to be accessible. But I do stream other things on the regular, and I intentionally bury the link way down here because I want to talk to people who have the patience to read this, even if they don't agree with me. Go to http://twitch.tv/fdejeuner, check the schedule, and drop on by. I'd love to chat with you. Aaaand... I guess you could get this game, so long as you treat it as kind of a snack game, rather than the main course.
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