[B] > 🎬 be me > huge fan of Oh...Sir!! The Insult Simulator 👀 > hear about new spinoff: Oh…Sir! The Hollywood Roast 🎞️ > excited af 🤩 > buy game and start playing 🎮 > instantly greeted by a cast of Hollywood elitists 💅🏼 > but for legal purposes, definitely not the real ones 👀 > start insulting my opponents with the sickest burns 🔥 > they’re no match for my verbal skills 💬 > crushing them with combos, continuations, and exploiting their weak spots 💪 > just like how Hollywood crushes creativity 💔 > career mode gets me golden parrots (not real birds, sadly) 🐦 > use them to develop my character and become even better at insulting 😈 > redesigned scoring system makes everything clear 📊 > unlike Hollywood accounting, amirite? 😂 > but the best part? the new comeback mechanic ⏭️ > charge my anger and finish the sentence with a unique closure 💥 > just like how I charge my phone and finish my night with a unique closure *wink wink* 😉 > in short, Oh…Sir! The Hollywood Roast is bigger, ruder, and insultier 💪🔥 > just like how every Hollywood blockbuster tries to top the last one 🎬 > but unlike those movies, this game actually delivers on its promises 🤝 > so go ahead and buy it, just don’t blame me when you can’t stop insulting your friends and coworkers without mercy 😂 > 10/10 would roast again 🔥 > tinsel town will never be the same 🔥 > ba dum tss 🎬🔥😂😎👌 [/B] (Opening shot of a luxury Hollywood mansion) Voiceover: Welcome to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, where the biggest names in the industry come together to roast each other for the amusement of the masses. And this time, we’ve got some extra special guests joining in on the fun. (Cut to the red carpet, where the stars are arriving) Voiceover: It’s the ultimate showdown of wit and insults, where no one is safe from the censored swearing of Mr. T, Tommy Wiseau, Quentin Tarantino, Samuel L. Jackson, Joan Rivers, Gilbert Gottfried, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, Kevin Hart, Chris Rock, Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, Uma Thurman, Tilda Swinton, Daniel Radcliffe, Margot Robbie, Karen Gillan and Chris Pratt! (Cut to the main stage, where the roasting arena is set up) Host: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Oh…Sir! The Hollywood Roast on Steam. It’s time to see these Hollywood heavyweights battle it out with their sharp tongues and hilarious insults. Let’s bring out our first two contestants, Mr. T and Tommy Wiseau! (Mr. T and Tommy Wiseau enter the stage) Mr. T: I pity the fool who tries to out-insult me, Tommy. Tommy Wiseau: Oh hi, Mr. T. You’re looking as tough as a soggy noodle. Mr. T: What kind of insult is that? It’s as weak as Tommy’s acting skills. Tommy Wiseau: You are tearing me apart with your words, Mr. T! Host: Wow, the shade is real. Let’s bring out the next pair, Quentin Tarantino and Samuel L. Jackson. (Quentin Tarantino and Samuel L. Jackson enter the stage) Quentin Tarantino: Hey Samuel, your acting is as wooden as a chair in a Tarantino movie. Samuel L. Jackson: At least I can pronounce my own name, Quentin. Quentin Tarantino: Go ahead, say it one more time, motherf***er. Samuel L. Jackson: I dare you to say it one more time, motherf***er. Host: Okay, let’s move on to the legendary comedians, Joan Rivers and Gilbert Gottfried! (Joan Rivers and Gilbert Gottfried enter the stage) Joan Rivers: Oh Gilbert, the only reason you get hired is because of your annoying voice. Gilbert Gottfried: And the only reason you’re still relevant is because of all the plastic surgery. Joan Rivers: At least I’m not going to be mistaken for a parrot anytime soon. Host: This is getting spicy. Let’s see how Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone handle the heat. (Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone enter the stage) Arnold Schwarzenegger: Sly, your muscles are as fake as your hair. Sylvester Stallone: And your acting is as robotic as the Terminator. Arnold Schwarzenegger: At least I don’t need subtitles to understand me. Sylvester Stallone: Well, at least I don’t need a gym to keep my body in shape. Host: Let’s bring out the wrestling legends, Hulk Hogan and Macho Man. (Hulk Hogan and Macho Man enter the stage) Hulk Hogan: Macho Man, I heard your catchphrase is 'Oooh yeah'? Macho Man: That’s right, brother. And I heard you’re still living in the ‘80s. Hulk Hogan: Well, at least I’m not stuck with one catchphrase my whole career. Macho Man: At least my hair is real, brother. Host: And now for a change of pace, let’s bring out the kings of comedy, Kevin Hart and Chris Rock. (Kevin Hart and Chris Rock enter the stage) Kevin Hart: Chris, your jokes are as old as your hairline. Chris Rock: And your movies are as forgettable as your height. Kevin Hart: At least I can still play a kid in movies. Chris Rock: And at least I don’t have to rely on someone else to make me funny. Host: We’ve got some real heavy hitters on stage now, Jim Carrey and Robin Williams! (Jim Carrey and Robin Williams enter the stage) Jim Carrey: Robin, I can’t believe you made Patch Adams. Robin Williams: I can’t believe you made Ace Ventura. Jim Carrey: At least I can make people laugh without a funny hat. Robin Williams: At least I don’t have to use my face as a mask to be funny. Host: Let’s see how the Hollywood ladies hold their own. Uma Thurman and Tilda Swinton, take the stage! (Uma Thurman and Tilda Swinton enter the stage) Uma Thurman: Tilda, we all know The White Witch isn’t the scariest thing about you. Tilda Swinton: And we all know The Bride isn’t the only thing artificial about you, Uma. Uma Thurman: At least I didn’t have to pretend to be a gender-fluid alien. Tilda Swinton: At least I don’t have to pretend to be a martial arts expert. Host: Next up, we have the young guns of Hollywood, Daniel Radcliffe and Margot Robbie. (Daniel Radcliffe and Margot Robbie enter the stage) Daniel Radcliffe: Margot, how many times did you have to say 'What?' in Suicide Squad? Margot Robbie: At least people actually remember my performances, unlike your Harry Potter days. Daniel Radcliffe: At least my hair doesn’t have its own zip code. Margot Robbie: At least I don’t have to use magic to get a date. Host: And finally, it’s the Guardians of the Galaxy duo, Karen Gillan and Chris Pratt! (Karen Gillan and Chris Pratt enter the stage) Karen Gillan: Chris, your six-pack is as impressive as your acting range. Chris Pratt: And your Scottish accent is as authentic as a bottle of Scotch. Karen Gillan: At least I don’t have to rely on CGI to look badass. Chris Pratt: At least I don’t have to rely on a bald cap to look badass. Host: And that’s our star-studded lineup for tonight’s Hollywood roast. Tune in to see who comes out on top in this battle of the wits. Oh…Sir! The Hollywood Roast, now available on Steam. Blackmore's Night - Lady In Black She came to me one morning, oh so early without warning Her hair in knots, she looked quite worn She said she played a game, it was quite a shame A parody it was, of Hollywood fame Ah haha haha haha She told me of the game, Oh...Sir! The Hollywood Roast Where stars and icons go to boast But it's just a sim, a parody of them And boy, does it make me laugh again and again Ah haha haha haha She said, who needs to fight when you can use words like a knife And make your enemies run for their life But be careful, don't get carried away Or you'll end up like them, in a roast of dismay Ah haha haha haha But fear not, my friends, for there's more to this game A deep battle system, oh what a shame For a silly parody, it's quite a surprise I can roast my friends, oh what a delight Ah haha haha haha So if you're feeling down, and need a good laugh Just grab yourself a copy, and be ready to gaff With hilarious parodies and witty quips Oh...Sir! The Hollywood Roast will have you in fits Ah haha haha haha
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