>Be me >Playing a retro RPG game >But instead of a hero, I'm a dark knight >And not the brooding Batman kind, but like, **really** evil >Game is called EvilQuest >Sounds like a villain's dream come true >Start off as Galvis, a bad dude with a big sword >Seriously, it's like five feet of solid "get out of my way" steel >Plot is simple: Galvis wants revenge and power >And if you get in his way, he will end you >Like, there's no "I must save the world!" nonsense >Nope, Galvis is more like, "I'm gonna rule the world or die trying" >First mission is breaking out of prison >Because you can't conquer the world from a cell, right? >Slash a few guards, and boom, freedom! >Now I just have to find some ancient seals or something >Game has a retro vibe >Pixel art that's all original >Graphics look like they came straight out of the 90s >But in a good way, not the "my eyes hurt" kind of way >Combat is fast and fun >It's like, whack-whack-whack and everything dies >Lots of loot, too >Swords, armor, relics, you name it, Galvis collects it >Also, you can level up and customize Galvis >Do you want him to hit harder? Sure! >Or maybe more magic power? Go for it! >It's like RPG mechanics, but for evil guys >Speaking of evil, you can terrorize towns >People run away from Galvis, and he likes it >Imperial agents try to stop you, but they're just free XP >And the dialogue? Dark and twisted, just how I like it >Boss fights are challenging >But nothing a big sword and some magic can't fix >And the soundtrack is pretty epic >Original music that makes you feel like a real villain >So yeah, if you're tired of playing the good guy >And just want to be a total badass for once >EvilQuest is the game for you >Just don't get too attached to those NPCs >Galvis doesn't leave many survivors Title: Overlord and Velvet Velour Review EvilQuest INT. OVERLORD'S CASTLE - MEETING ROOM - DAY (The Overlord and his crew are gathered around a table, each holding a controller, with Velvet Velour from Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines sitting at the end of the table. A screen shows gameplay from EvilQuest. The minions are scattered around the room, causing mischief. ๐งโโ๏ธ) OVERLORD ๐ฐ Okay, folks, we're here to review EvilQuest. Galvis is on a quest for power and revenge. Classic stuff. What do you all think? ๐ฅโ๏ธ GNARL ๐ง (Grumbling) Galvis is effective, but where are the minions? You can't conquer the world without them! This guy just slashes through everything. No finesse, no strategy. He could learn from us. ๐๐ BROWN MINION ๐ (Excited) Galvis smash! Galvis hit! Me like Galvis! He make big mess! Where's my ham? ๐๐ ROSE ๐น Galvis needs a new wardrobe. Black armor is so last century. And a proper evil lair should have some tapestries or at least a chandelier. This game needs more drama, more flair. ๐๐ญ KELDA ๐ก๏ธ (Looking at the minions) And where's his army? You can't do it alone. He needs minions to handle the heavy lifting. Like, does he even have a tower? ๐ฐ๐ก๏ธ RED MINION ๐ฅ (Starts a small fire on the table) Fire! Fire! Where's fire? Galvis doesn't use enough fire! Everything burns when you use fire! ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ VELVET VELOUR ๐น (Watching the flames with a smile) Galvis needs a touch of elegance. It's not just about brute force; it's about seduction. And where's his charisma? Conquering the world is also about charm, darling. ๐๐น THE JESTER ๐คนโโ๏ธ (Juggling flaming torches, barely paying attention) Galvis is too serious. He could use some jokes! Like, "Why did Galvis bring a sword to a pillow fight? Because he doesn't understand fun!" Get it? Anyone? No? Tough crowd. ๐๐คนโโ๏ธ GREEN MINION ๐ฟ (Being sneaky in the background) Galvis should be stealthier. Why smash when you can sneak? You just stab from the shadows, and nobody sees it coming. I mean, look at me! You can't see me, right? ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ฟ FAY ๐ซ (Thinking aloud) Galvis could use some magic. A little enchanting, a bit of charm. Why not make the villagers love him before he, you know, destroys them? Itโs good to leave them with mixed emotions. ๐ซโจ DARK FAY ๐ฏ๏ธ (Grinning wickedly) Galvis isn't evil enough. He needs more darkness. A few more sinister spells, perhaps a blood ritual. That's how you become a true villain. ๐๐ฏ๏ธ BLUE MINION ๐ (Doing a happy dance) Blue can heal! Blue helps! But Galvis doesn't have healers. He gets hurt a lot. Should we go help him? No? Okay, just checking. ๐ฉน๐ GHOST FAY ๐ป (Whispering eerily) Galvis could try a ghostly approach. Why fight when you can haunt? Just a bit of ethereal terror, and everyone flees. It's so much easier. ๐ป๐จ JUNO ๐ฎ (Smirking) Why fight when you can manipulate? Galvis should use his words. You can achieve a lot with a whisper in the right ear. A bit of intrigue goes a long way. ๐ฃ๏ธ๐ฎ OVERLORD ๐ฐ (Laughing) So, the consensus is that Galvis could use a bit more strategy, flair, and minions. But overall, not bad for a dark knight on a quest for power. Now, who's up for a game of minion dodgeball? Last minion standing gets extra ham! โ๏ธ๐ (All the minions cheer, the Overlord grins, and the scene fades out with chaos and laughter in the background. ๐คฃ๐โโ๏ธ๐) Dolly Parton/Miley Cyrus - Jolene Galvis, Galvis, Galvis, Galvis I'm begging of you, please don't take my sword Galvis, Galvis, Galvis, Galvis Please don't take it just because you're bored Your armor's spiked and jet black With a massive blade slung on your back You leave a trail of fire as you move Your power is beyond compare You slash and hack without a care And all the guards are fleeing, Galvis You're rampaging through the town While we hide and hunker down I see the flames rise high, Galvis Galvis, Galvis, Galvis, Galvis I'm begging of you, please don't take my sword Galvis, Galvis, Galvis, Galvis Please don't take it just because you're bored You could have your choice of blades But I can't replace what you degrade It's the only one for me, Galvis I had to have this talk with you My village is counting on you To leave us alone, not turn us into goo Galvis, Galvis, Galvis, Galvis I'm begging of you, please don't torch my farm Galvis, Galvis, Galvis, Galvis Please don't burn it just for the charm Galvis, Galvis Galvis the Dark Knight, with armor so black, Wielded a sword the size of a yak. He didn't do subtle, he didn't do stealth, He crushed his opponents and looted their wealth. He stormed into towns and made quite a mess, Setting fires, breaking things, causing distress. But he was on a quest, for power and might, And no one could stop him, not even at night. He fought with a dragon, he fought with a troll, He punched a grandpa right in the soul. Through dungeons and forests, he left a long trail, And when he reached the end, he skipped paying bail. Now he's the big boss, the ruler of lands, He's got all the power, and he's got all the fans. But if you hear him coming, you'd best find a nook, Or you'll end up a footnote in EvilQuest's book.
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